(formulated by Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti)
(From the Oida book)
If I could only be honest about myself...
...things would look quite different.
...I could focus on the priorities of the problems in my existence.
...I could improve my relationship with others.
...I would remember the precious instructions of universal love, when making
decisions of what to do and what not to do.
...I would not want to make a show, presenting myself differently than I
actually am. And I would not have to live a lie.
...I would be more serious about the tasks and duties which have come to me
and I would have to be more straightforward to accomplish what I feel needs
to be accomplished.
...I would have to be more fearless to face the challenges, to situate
myself in the position where I can actually make advancement.
...I would tell those who are under my care seriously what is good for them
and I would realize that I would have to convince somebody about something
if I really want to do good to them.
...I would realize that duplicity does not fit into any relationship.
...I would realize that once you start lying to people, you actually spoil
your relationship with them. And if you say something which is not true, you
are most likely to be lied to as well.
Dealing with the entanglement
I am chastised by the lies I have told in the past, and because of having
lied to myself it is even difficult for me to tell what is real and what is
a lie.
Because of my idea that sense gratification is the most important thing in
life I have considered the loss of sense gratification to be an emergency
which justified lying.
My focus has shifted to illusory conceptions, ignoring the understanding
that only the truth will be beneficial for me.
If I could only be honest I would have a chance to have real friends, or at
least my side of the relationship would be sincere, and thus qualify myself
to deserve to meet other sincere people for sincere relationships.
How shameful it is that one has not spoken the truth and thus hurt other
people.
How sad it is when you are under the influence of such people who are lying
continuously. If those who take care of others speak lies their whole
supposed care and protection is also nothing but a lie.
Even though there are so many lies in this material world now I am
interested in finding out the truth about myself, my duty and my Lord. The
truth knows everything and therefore only the truth should be given
attention to.
Any lie makes you waste your time and waste the time of others as well.
If I could only be forgiven for my mistakes of the past... My future depends
on that forgiving.
I want to know the truth. Everything in this world is action and reaction,
but I want to go to that place where there are no more lies and where there
is love instead.
I want to know the truth about my own fallen condition and I do not want to
hear any praise of myself, which is not accurate and will just increase my
false ego.
In the ordinary dealings of this world, there are so many lies; therefore I
want to have relationships which are not ordinary. I want to work in such a
way, that I can be honest with people and give them something which is
really beneficial for them.
When lies invade our family relationship love and trust must disappear; and
even children become disheartened when they realize that their parents have
lied to them.
The price of the truth is the elimination of all lies; therefore I pray that
I may become a truthful person.
Great spiritual teachers have openly denounced themselves in their writings.
They have admitted their fallen condition, their uncontrolled mind. I do not
think they were lying. I think they were giving us an example and guidance
how one should feel, how honest one should be about oneself.
The benefits of speaking the truth
I should be more determined to protect this body of mine, so it can do the
best service to the Lord. This body is given to me by the Lord. He is the
real owner, so I have to take care of this body according to His benefit and
sweet will. Therefore, I should try to utilize my senses always according to
His sweet directions.
If I could only be sincere about my mistakes I would have no more bad
relationships. I could have a very wonderful relationship with others, by
understanding their true situation, and also by understanding my true
problems.
Actually no one is an enemy to anyone else; we are too absorbed in ourselves
to consider any one an enemy; we have no time for such thoughts. Only if
somebody crosses our area of interest we start becoming upset with him. So
we must be honest about this, to be able to harmonize all circumstances.
Every one have circles of interest, and then there are circles of
necessities. When the circles of necessity clashes, things have to be
harmonized according to the necessities of both parties. When the circles of
interest clash, one needs to harmonize to be able to accommodate everybody.
What will fighting ever accomplish? It will only worsen the situation,
specifically in relationships with people one is living with.
When will I start seeing the spirit soul in everyone and give up all
prejudice about others? When will I understand that I am just a simple small
atom of God’s creation and I have no more value than any other person? And
that in the eyes of God we are all the same. And He will never like it if I
lie to myself or to others about the nature of another person.
Any prejudice is a great violence in the realm of truth - creating tyranny
in the realms of human relationships. While truth, on the other hand, is the
joyful realization of our family connections, universal love and universal
family.
Ahimsa – non-violence, nati-ahimsa – violence only in the absolute
emergency, as with the surgeon using a knife which cuts the skin only in an
emergency; in which case instead of calling the police you have to pay for
it.
When will I finally become sincere by following the guidance coming from
within my heart, when will I listen carefully to the guidance of my kind
Lord, who resides in me? He has always told me to be honest and kind, He has
told me to control my senses, and told me who I should appreciate and serve.
I am so embarrassed to admit that I have ignored Him in so many instances.
His causeless grace is so great that He has still not abandoned me. And with
the greatest patience anybody in the world could ever have He is continuing
to guide me.
When will I ever realize that I am not this material body, and of course
that other people are not the body either; that we are all going through our
karmic phases; and that our eternal identity is the only thing we can focus
on, and never be disheartened?
Sincerity in relationships
Whenever I identify with my ego and the different masks I have put on my
face in the drama of material existence, I am moving further away from the
truth. Therefore I should repent from all these different illusions I have
created which haunt me now like a big, arrogant, puffed up ego. This makes
me feel like some special person, while others just try to avoid my company.
I am becoming a more and more unsocial person. Let alone being a servant to
humanity and God. When will I stop making promises, which I already know I
will not be able to fulfill? When will I be realistic about my own
existence? And, take up the task with all my enthusiasm to improve my
situation?
When will I stop repeating things which I have not verified myself? Creating
sufferings for others, by my gossiping and superficial relationships, it is
so painful to see that they do not take your feelings into consideration.
But how often do I talk in a way which hurts the feelings of somebody else?
We are so sensitive with ourselves, but we act like brutes when it comes to
other people. In this way I have created a very negative relationship with
so many people in my life; and that it is all my fault; it is me who has to
ask to be forgiven; it is easier to forgive than to ask to be forgiven. So I
wish I could be honest about myself.
Sharing and giving
One saintly person said, ‘Nobody should ever hear the sound of my name. And
if for some reason they hear the sound of my name they must bathe
immediately in the Ganges to purify themselves.’ Our ego is so incredible;
we think that others are fortunate if they talk about us.
We make so many efforts to make publicity about ourselves, even though any
type of ego, fame and name will simply drag us down. When will I be able and
willing to share everything God has given me? When will I be concerned with
what is missing for others rather than trying to accumulate things and hide
them because of the fear of my future maintenance?
Then I realize that the most important thing is spiritual love and knowledge
and I want to share this understanding with all those who are so poor that
they consider money and power to be the goal of life. I am addicted to so
many things but I prefer to deny that and to feel free.
Controlling addictions and facing the difficulties
Even though you are potentially addicted to thousands of things, you are not
taking care to protect yourself. It is clear that you need good association
to overcome addictions and that it is essential. Because, as the saying
goes, ‘Tell me with who you associate and I will tell you who you are.’
Even though you can control your addictions you should think, “Once
addicted, always addicted”. In this way, you will always keep yourself in
the safe area. It might be an addiction to sugar, sleeping, television or
drugs; there are different types of addictions and they all disturb our
progress.
We prefer to pray for getting rid of addictions than actually getting rid of
them. If you have a visitor in your house whose presence you do not like
then do not give them anything to eat, and they will go away. But if you
feed these nasty individuals, they will stay. Bending our addictions, means
feeding them, and in that way they will stay.
When will I understand that every person who has come into my life has been
sent by the grace of God to test me, to teach me, to help me to learn and
that by avoiding them I am not advancing? I will increase my ignorance and I
will have to pass the same test later anyway. Therefore, when will I be able
to face all the difficulties to serve them with humility? Then my heart can
feel some relief and I can get up joyfully every morning and see the benefit
of every instant in my life.
In South America there is a saying, “There is nothing bad which does not
come for good reason.” So see the hands of mercy everywhere.
When will I cry out to the saints sincerely for help? I am such a low person
that without grace I will surely be lost. But instead of admitting this I
act as if I am in control of my situation, while inside there is a mess and
probably thoughts of committing suicide.
Outside we say “I am fine. Everything is OK.” In this way, we deprive
ourselves of good spiritual advice.
I have always tried to make myself look like a very knowledgeable person as
if I am very mature, maybe even wise. I have listened to others praise me
and I have nodded my head with approval. Actually I am fool number one – I
do not know where I am coming from, I do not know where I am going to be
next and I do not know what is right and what is wrong; I do not know for
sure what to do and what not to do; what kind of a fool am I.
False conceptions of the self
I have created my own complications with this mentality. I am so insecure,
because of my ignorance, but I pretend to be very powerful. I do not know in
what moment I am going to die, but I pretend to be fearless regarding death
or as if death could never reach me. In this way I am living a situation of
complete confusion.
When will I stop being lazy? When will I start working hard when I see a
good cause? When will I stop living at the cost of others and trying to take
advantage of their friendly nature? Friendly people always invite others,
abusive people always try to exploit, suck the blood until the other person
cannot stand it any more.
Even when people try to get rid of you, you still use psychology to make
them feel bad, so that you can exploit them a little more. This laziness is
a crime which has taken over my own mentality and only selfless service for
a common goal will cure me of my disease.
When will I stop being harsh, arrogant and unfriendly with others? Just
because I am frustrated my ego is agitated, not being able to assume the
position it wishes to have. Just because my ego is dominated by envy and I
cannot tolerate the success of others.
And in the name of conservatism or fundamentalism, I treat other people as
if they are hopeless or useless. Actually, I am the hopeless and useless
one. Motivated by my attachments I have exceeded in offending so many, that
now the time has come to change this and to turn from exploitation towards
dedication; to abandon indifference and become dedicated to doing good; to
abandon uncertainty and to submit to loving authority.
The day has come to go the right way. I have gone the wrong way too long.
There is nobody to blame except myself. And any faulty behavior in others is
only a mirror to show me my own wrong behavior; it is only a helping
guidance to show me the way I should not be.
Examination of desires and change towards the right direction
Therefore my desires have to be examined to see whether they are serving the
common good, whether they are approved by the saints, whether they are
according to the sweet will of the all-loving and all-maintaining Lord. Only
in this direction can light and joy be expected.
Ignorance is darkness. “My Lord, help me get out of this darkness. I want to
see the light of goodness, purity and love. And I want to be purified by the
influence of those who have made purity and love the goal of their lives.”
I have situated myself in the position where my body and mind are very sick.
I do not want to admit it, because I do not want to change my lifestyle. I
do not want to accept that I have to follow a diet, to do exercise, to serve
others, to practice Sadhana (spiritual regulations), to study the Holy
Scriptures and do my meditations from the core of my heart.
I know I am ill, but I say I am well because I want to remain ill and pity
myself, blaming it on others. You complain about the world, you are
unfriendly to those who want to give you some healthy wholesome advice…and
thus you increase your problems, while you are supposed to solve them.
You got your freedom to surrender to the truth, you got your money to spend
it for a good cause, and you got your intelligence to make good plans to
offer service. Everything you have, you have it for a good reason – for a
good cause, and for no other reason.
Freedom has not been given to you so that you can be a warmonger, a drug
dealer, an abuser of sick and old people, children, ladies, or poor people.
Whoever follows that path is already living in hell and by acting hellishly
their environment is becoming increasingly hellish.
You are making a show of having things, because “I want to make myself
famous and look successful.” In reality I am broke. But I do not want to
admit it. When they ask me a question I give a sophisticated, nonsensical
answer, because I actually do not know the answer.
How ridiculous my position is. Who will forgive such nonsense? In this way,
I am keeping myself in a difficult position and I do not acquire the
determination to really free myself from all the bad habits. This is very
unfortunate. I feel so sick because of this situation. All the negative
attitudes and nonsense I have spoken haunt me now and I do not know how to
escape the karma produced by my own mistakes.
“My Lord, be merciful with me. Show me how to become an honest person”.
The lies picture
The lies I have spoken in the past oblige me to invent new lies in order not
to be caught in the old ones. I have forgotten to whom I have lied and to
whom I have not. So, now I prefer to remain silent and have no sincere
friendship with anyone.
I lie to myself too, saying “Self-realization is not so important.” I still
involve my mind in idle thoughts and idle talk. In my desperation I just sit
down in front of the lying machine and turn it on. The TV, the newspapers
and the stories of sense gratification are all nothing but a bunch of lies.
If there is any truth, you will ignore it, because from those lies you only
extract that which fits in with your own lies. The movie and the TV world is
a very strange thing, where a machine talks and a person receives the
message in a very passive way that is contaminating.
People are trying to get support for their own conditional situation of
life. My mind is distorted; my faith is distorted, because I only accept the
things which fit in with my preferred lifestyle. I accept the things that
favor my lie and I reject things that challenge it. Thus I become more
crooked and twisted every day.
Who is going to have pity on me and straighten me out? They say, you can’t
teach an old dog new tricks, or that once the tree has grown crooked you
cannot make it straight again. In this way, I have positioned myself in a
hopeless degradation of my mind and I am absolutely dependent on causeless
grace.
I need self-realization, I need purification, I need saints, who come and
give me true understanding. Because of all these difficulties so much fear
has filled my heart. I am neurotic and traumatized; I am in the paranoia of
feeling persecuted, that people do not like me and that they are my enemies.
Recognizing our own mistakes and becoming honest, forgiving, in good
association
Now, I can understand that all this is a product of my own mistakes,
addictions, and unhealthy lifestyle. Therefore I repent and make this
declaration so that I will be able to make the right decisions in the
future. Because the worst of all mistakes is the one you do not recognize
and you continue doing.
I want to have some hope. If you forgive others for the mistakes they have
made, maybe you will be forgiven for the mistakes you have done. Those who
forgive may be forgiven.
I want to become an honest person – a servant of the truth. This is the
power of mercy. It can uplift us from the lowest and accept us to be
servants of the highest. But I have to keep feeling ashamed of my past
mistakes, otherwise I may return to them. Unless someone has such an
attitude they are not a trustworthy person.
We can help others if possible, but we should not associate intimately with
those who live a lie, teach a lie and defend it.
Introspection about old age and the end of life
Now as I become older and my memory starts failing on me, I can understand
that the body has no future. Plastic surgery will have no benefit in this
case and any amount of paint cannot hide my wrinkles.
“If I can remember you my Lord, it will only be by your mercy, not by my
degree of intelligence.”
Old age is announcing my obvious departure, and any attempt to do away with
the symptoms of old age is a waste of time. I should utilize every second of
my life to do the right thing and think of the Lord of Love.
As death approaches, all the lies that I have lived during my life are
coming to reap the real result. Lies cannot be sustained an entire lifetime.
All my arrogance and ignorance shall be shattered. I admit them right now,
so that they will not destroy my human existence when I come to the last
moment.
The conditioned souls live a life of many lies. We want to heal ourselves
from these difficulties, created by our own mistaken position. It will be a
big struggle to become truly honest, but the trouble and struggle, for us
and for others, will be bigger if we continue to be liars.”
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